My friend and I had enjoyed two full days in Monaco. He’d just left and I was enjoying a few solo days there. We’d gone to different regions of the south of France. He shared a special town that his family loves to visit- Menton, France. We shopped, enjoyed the wine, enjoyed the sun and talked about current legal and family battles we are both facing.
We both needed support. Life is hard enough-doing it alone makes it worse. Sitting in Monte Carlo, I realized there are very few people to whom I should REALLY devote my time. Those who open up, those who are honest, those who always keep their word.
This friend always has, even when I often didn’t return the favor, because I wasn’t ready to be that vulnerable. As he left, I had a realization… I get older, I feel worse when I drink a lot. When I drink a lot, I forget and time passes way too fast. I want to create rich memories with those I love. So, I decided to drink less and focus on who is around me. I will surround myself with people who have my back, so I won’t need to “drink the time away.”
Turning 30 and having these thoughts I don’t think come as a coincidence. For how I was raised, I feel I have done a great job at enjoying places, people, and creating memories instead of buying stuff. But now, I need to focus on giving love to those who TRULY matter. Focus on the people aspect of everything I do.
Work, love, friends, fitness, faith and family. I want to keep them all in balance but I am changing the order of these things. It will now read friends, love, fitness, work, family, and faith. This is the order I am currently comfortable with, as I am still growing, evolving, changing, learning. I am not perfect and that is ok. As long as I’m headed in the direction of my purpose (supported by those around me) my life will be ok.
My purpose is to show others how to create independence from toxic codependent situations. First is to help them identify the codependency, because admitting there is a problem is the hardest thing (from personal experience).
I have been there- but instead of sweeping it under the rug and pretending like everything is perfect, I had to dig in and change me. Counseling has been life changing. Sticking with it is even harder through the ups and downs. This change is now my number one priority.
I have to do self-work. Even while in Spain, I’ve meditated to battle all the flying issues muddying up my thinking. I need to stay on track and on purpose to get there. Just jump in, not dance around it. It’s so easy to get off track. I have caught myself exhausting myself with people who want to suck information from me via text, social media, group message, email, in person at networking events and more. They want the knowledge I’ve obtained by reading, paying for seminars, meeting with operators, touring properties, buying properties, relationships with mentors, and more. It’s taken time and money and these people want to rob me of it with NOTHING in return.
I only have so much time and energy- and the way it’s going I will have none left for what matters. I must require that others be conscious of my time, like I am for those who mentor me. For my mentors, I only contact them with questions if it’s a desperate situation. I also send all questions in one email whenever possible. I send gifts or try to bring something back when I travel so they know I’m thinking of them. I REALLY THINK about those around me, and how we spend time together. Am I surrounding myself with givers, like me? If the answer is no, it’s time to go. This applies across love, friendship, health, and work relationships. Work relationships especially, since we spend so much of our lives working.
If you’re curious what a GOOD, APPROPRIATE addition is to my active team for partnership opportunities – I’ll spell it out. Here are some things we need help with:
I thought it would be helpful to define in work, for me, what a good relationship looks like.
- Partner who brings money (personally and has raised capital before)
- Partner who has the skills to work out or negotiate the deal
- Partner who can bring mentorship or years of expertise
- Partner who can bring a proven track record or credibility
- Partner who can be sponsor or a loan guarantor
- Partner who brings the deal
- Partner who is a rockstar at systems and operations
I need to create more time so that I can focus on my goals to be closer to family and friends. I cannot do this if people keep trying to shortcut learning on their own time, skip networking and conferences and take my time to learn instead. I have been letting people take for too long. No more. I am allowing myself to be selfish and not feel bad any longer. I will only give to those who give in exchange. It’s not about a fair trade, but being protective of my time and energy. No one will protect it but me.
Thank you, Monaco, for the lesson- it was perfect timing.