This entry is a COUPLE DAYS TOO LATE. Scratch that stop apologizing! I will get great at that I swear!
As I was alone in Monaco after my friend left, I realized my time is shortening. We only had two full days total and needed four, I would say. We went to different regions of the south of France. He shared a special town that his family loves to visit-Menton, France. Went shopping for herbs, oils, enjoyed the wine, enjoyed the sun and talked about current legal and family battles we are both facing. We both need support. Life is hard enough-doing it alone makes it worse. I realized while sitting there In Monte Carlo-There are very few people around me to whom I REALLY should devote my time. Those who open up, those who are honest, those who always keep their word.
This Friend always has, even when I often didn’t return the favor, because I wasn’t ready to be that vulnerable…….and I thought, as he left, Here’s the deal. As I get older, I feel worse when I drink a lot. When I drink a lot, I forget and time passes way too fast. I’ve had friends die whom I cared about, life situations change where it’s not all about fun anymore, and I want to create rich memories. I have decided to drink less and focus on who is around me. Those who have my back so I won’t need to “drink the time away”.
I genuinely enjoy our conversation and I can be completely open about what I want, who I am, where I’m going, and what I need. Zero judgment comes from those who truly love us.
Turning 30 and having these thoughts I don’t think come as a coincidence. For how I was raised, I feel I have done a great job at enjoying places, people, and creating memories instead of buying stuff.
But now, just as in my personal declaration, I need to focus on giving love to those who TRULY matter. Focus on the people aspect of everything I do. Work, love, friends, fitness, faith and family. I want to keep them all in balance but I am changing the order of these things. It will now read friends, love, fitness, work, family, and faith. This is the order I am currently comfortable with, as I am still growing, evolving, changing, learning. I am not perfect and that is ok. As long as I’m headed in the direction of my purpose (supported by those around me) my life will be ok.
My purpose, I feel, is to show others how to create independence from toxic codependent situations. First is to help them identify the codependency, because that is the hardest thing (from personal experience) to admit, that there is a problem with me/you.
I have been there-but instead of sweeping it under the rug and pretending like everything is perfect, I had to dig in and change me. Counseling has been life changing, Sticking with it is even harder through the ups and downs. This change is now my number one priority. I have to do self-work. Even while in Spain, I’ve heard several times to try meditation in the morning to battle all the flying issues always muddying up my thinking. I need to stay on track and on purpose to get there. Just jump in not dance around it, finding alternative ways to get there slowing down progress. It’s so easy to get off track.
I have caught myself exhausting myself with people who want to suck information from me via Text, Facebook, group message, skype, Instagram, email, voicemail, snail mail, in person at networking events and more. That knowledge I learned by reading, paying. for seminars, meeting with operators, touring properties, buying properties, relationships with mentors and much more. It’s taken time and money and these people want to rob me of it with NOTHING in return.
I have to learn to demand the same conscious of someone’s time that I give to my mentors or walk. I only have so much time and energy- and the way it’s going I will have none left for my workouts and loved ones. For my mentors, I decide to only contact them with questions if it’s a desperate situation (I’m under contract and they know). I also send all questions in one email, if possible, when not under contract. I send gifts or try to bring back what they like when I travel so they know I’m thinking of them.
If you’re curious what a GOOD, APPROPRIATE addition is to my active team for partnership opportunities (which GIVES to me) – I’ll spell it out. I need help in these areas-
- Partner who brings money (personally and has raised before)
- Partner who has the skills to workout or negotiate the deal
- Partner who can bring mentorship or expertise
- Partner who can bring a track record
- Partner who can bring credibility
- Partner who can be sponsor or be a loan guarantor
- Partner who brings the deal
So that I can focus on my goals to be closer to family and friends, I need to create more time. I cannot do this if people keep trying to shortcut learning on their own time, skip networking and conferences and take my time to learn instead. I have been letting people take for too long. No more. I am allowing myself to be selfish and not feel bad any longer. I will only give to those who give in exchange.
It’s not about a fair trade, but being protective of my time and energy. No one will protect it but me.
Thank you Monaco for the lesson- it was perfect timing.